Part III: I’ll Just Go the Safe Route

…One night, I remember holding on to my mother’s leg like a baby. My heart was beating so hard, but this time I was not afraid. The whole time, I just kept saying thank you Lord. I literally praised him until it stopped. I remember my mom just rubbing my back, and I kept whispering, thank you Lord. I didn’t know when that episode would end, because it felt like forever- but I knew I had to trust God. That was the night I was healed. I didn’t know it at the time though.

I believe a couple days later, I got dressed, me and my mom went to help my cousin move.  The sun was shining that day, and I just made the decision that I am not staying bound to this house, because of what I think will happen.

The panic attacks stopped, but fear still lingered. I was anxious still. When I would drive in my car, sometimes I would wonder… what if the attacks come back.

I’m going to keep living anyway.

I dive head first, back into my regular life. By this time, my two weeks at my job have expired, so it’s real. I was no longer working for them. I had a few thousand dollars saved up, so I thought I was good.

I’m in hustle mode now. Back to working on my site? No. I did the opposite, I worked for someone else. Let me say this again, fear manifests itself in various forms.

The moment I feel better, instead of going back to the original faith leap and working on my site, I opt to work for someone else, because that was my comfort zone.

The energy and time I was putting into building someone else’s dream, I should have been doing for my own…but, I was afraid.

I knew I was good at writing- specifically, biographies, or anything with PR- ultimately sharing stories, so I was jumping on any opportunity that enabled me to do that. In retrospect, there was nothing wrong with that, but I knew God had called me to do something else, and I was literally running in the opposite direction.

Did I really think I went through that season of panic attacks just to keep it to myself? No. Every trial and test was to be shared, because it was my testimony. It is a part of my story to share with others.

Then the doors started to close…The journey.

 

Thank you for being a part of my journey. Is this your first time reading? Catch up on part 1 and part 2.

 

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One thought on “Part III: I’ll Just Go the Safe Route

  1. Thank you so much for taking the time out to share the ups and downs of your journey! I found your website and details about your book from your feature on All The Many Layers and I just knew I wanted to follow your journey and support you! It’s so amazing how God directs us to people who have been in our shoes and is on the same journey of fulfilling their purpose and true self-discovery! I’m in transition right now in my life as far as pursuing my lifelong dreams and I’m excited, anxious, and scared at the same time BUT I don’t want to live a life of regret! Your testimony alone has impacted my life more than you will ever know! I look forward to reading your book when I receive it and I’ll certainly be a subscriber following your blog 🙂 Many blessings to you Jonnita!

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