…One night, I remember holding on to my mother’s leg like a baby. My heart was beating so hard, but this time I was not afraid. The whole time, I just kept saying thank you Lord. I literally praised him until it stopped. I remember my mom just rubbing my back, and I kept whispering, thank you Lord. I didn’t know when that episode would end, because it felt like forever- but I knew I had to trust God. That was the night I was healed. I didn’t know it at the time though.
I believe a couple days later, I got dressed, me and my mom went to help my cousin move. The sun was shining that day, and I just made the decision that I am not staying bound to this house, because of what I think will happen.
The panic attacks stopped, but fear still lingered. I was anxious still. When I would drive in my car, sometimes I would wonder… what if the attacks come back.
I’m going to keep living anyway.
I dive head first, back into my regular life. By this time, my two weeks at my job have expired, so it’s real. I was no longer working for them. I had a few thousand dollars saved up, so I thought I was good.
I’m in hustle mode now. Back to working on my site? No. I did the opposite, I worked for someone else. Let me say this again, fear manifests itself in various forms.
The moment I feel better, instead of going back to the original faith leap and working on my site, I opt to work for someone else, because that was my comfort zone.
The energy and time I was putting into building someone else’s dream, I should have been doing for my own…but, I was afraid.
I knew I was good at writing- specifically, biographies, or anything with PR- ultimately sharing stories, so I was jumping on any opportunity that enabled me to do that. In retrospect, there was nothing wrong with that, but I knew God had called me to do something else, and I was literally running in the opposite direction.
Did I really think I went through that season of panic attacks just to keep it to myself? No. Every trial and test was to be shared, because it was my testimony. It is a part of my story to share with others.
Then the doors started to close…The journey.